What do we now first part of marriage she toik me through hell now this second part i am taking her through it?

My wife and I been married fifteen years the first part of our marriage she took me through problems with in-law making them first having them almost running my house..I help raise our hers son since he was six he is eighteen now we then had kids of our own and with work the sex was given to me rarely...I was foolish and selfish and had a affair..it became a nightmare ..we r trying to become one again ...and it is been a journey cause I really love my wife and she really loves me ....but the affair often comes up and it has been two years but at the same time we had to deal with the mistress harassment in between time but now all has stopped and we r stressed...please help